Three little sentences will get you through life. Number one: Cover for me. Number two: Oh, good idea, boss. Number three: It was like that when I got here.
Submitted by laura almost 2 years ago
42 loves
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Three little sentences will get you through life. Number one: Cover for me. Number two: Oh, good idea, boss. Number three: It was like that when I got here.
Submitted by laura almost 2 years ago
42 loves
No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American Way.
Submitted by laura almost 2 years ago
26 loves
Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.
Submitted by JakeChampion over 1 year ago
17 loves
What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway.
Submitted by hohansen about 1 year ago
11 loves
Suppose we've chosen the wrong god. Every time we go to church we're just making him madder and madder.
Submitted by hohansen about 1 year ago
6 loves
Marge: "Homer, is this the way you pictured married life?"
Homer: "Yup, pretty much. Except we drove around in a van solving mysteries."
Submitted by Oli almost 2 years ago
6 loves
Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel.
Submitted by laura over 1 year ago
6 loves
Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.
Submitted by JeruBee over 1 year ago
5 loves
I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!
Submitted by hohansen about 1 year ago
3 loves
Son, a woman is a lot like a... [looks around] a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice and, um... [spots his can of Duff] Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good and you'd step over your own mother just to get one! [downs the beer] But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
Submitted by Qotemin over 1 year ago
3 loves
A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice.
Submitted by KZhu almost 2 years ago
3 loves
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
Submitted by ashaj over 1 year ago
2 loves
I won't apologize, Lisa. I'm sorry, but that's just the way that I am.
Submitted by ashaj over 1 year ago
2 loves