Homer Simpson Quotes

Three little sentences will get you through life. Number one: Cover for me. Number two: Oh, good idea, boss. Number three: It was like that when I got here.

No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American Way.

Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.

What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway.

English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England.

Operator! Give me the number for 911!

'To Start Press Any Key'. Where's the ANY key?

Suppose we've chosen the wrong god. Every time we go to church we're just making him madder and madder.

Marge: "Homer, is this the way you pictured married life?"

Homer: "Yup, pretty much. Except we drove around in a van solving mysteries."

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel.

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.

Do I know what rhetorical means?

If at first you don't succeed, give up.

I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!

"I didn't lie. I was writing fiction with my mouth."

Son, a woman is a lot like a... [looks around] a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice and, um... [spots his can of Duff] Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good and you'd step over your own mother just to get one! [downs the beer] But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!

A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

I won't apologize, Lisa. I'm sorry, but that's just the way that I am.