colmac’s most recent Quotables

"Sort of" is such a harmless thing to say. "Sort of." It's just a filler. "Sort of"—it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, "sort of" means everything. Like after, "I love you." Or, "You're going to live." Or, "It's a boy!"

Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.

Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives

Better to have loved a short man than never to have loved a tall.

I love to sing and I love to drink Scotch, but most people like to hear me drink Scotch

Murderers! Stop murdering. Everyone will die eventually. Just sit down and be patient.

In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough.

When science discovers the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to find they are not it.

If brains was gunpowder, he'd have just enough to shoot himself in the foot.

He can't help it. He was born with a silver foot in his mouth.

If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: 'President Can't Swim.'

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

Did you ever think that making a speech on economics is a lot like pissing down your leg? It seems hot to you, but it never does to anyone else.

Many of you know that I got my name, Barack, from my father. What you may not know is Barack is actually Swahili for 'That One.' And I got my middle name from somebody who obviously didn't think I'd ever run for president.

Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

If I had to name my greatest strength, I guess it would be my humility. Greatest weakness, it's possible that I'm a little too awesome.

I hope you're all Republicans.